


Whiskey And Blazers

by Cosmic_Files



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Healing, One Shot, Pain, happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmic_Files/pseuds/Cosmic_Files
Summary: With Elliot coming back in this upcoming season, this is what I envision happening, on the angstier side between him and Liv!
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Whiskey And Blazers

The lighting was dimmer than she would have liked, but this was better than being in a club with a guy that wouldn’t take no for an answer. The last thing that she wanted to do was have to flash her badge in order to get a creep to leave her alone. So, instead, she sat quietly in the corner of this unknown bar, drinking her wine slowly. She knew she needed to talk to someone, but the person that she wanted to talk to wouldn’t even answer her phone call. Olivia sighed deeply into her glass of wine, before finishing it off. 

“Would you like another?” The bartender asked as he flashed a smile at her. 

Olivia bit her lip, truly debating her answer before nodding, “Yes please. Instead of wine, I would like a whiskey neat.” 

He nodded wordlessly before walking to get her request. Olivia closed her eyes, dropping her head into her hands. Cragen’s words ran through her head over and over. Elliot, her best friend and partner, was gone. Just like that. She felt her stomach clench with anger. Olivia wanted to hate him, admittedly, a small part of her did. He just left! After seven years together with no explanation. How could he? 

She thought that their friendship was more than a job. She knew that there were times where their friendship was stronger than their job. She knew that could have been detrimental, but neither one of them let it become that way. Mainly because she respected Cathy and his family too much. 

Olivia heard the muffled sound of glass against wood before she looked up, giving a tight smile,”Thanks.” She lifted the glass before taking a sip. Olivia enjoyed the burn of the alcohol replacing the anger that was burning in her belly. 

“Long day?” He quipped, leaning against the bar as he polished an already clean glass. 

She felt her nostrils flare as she nodded, “The hardest that I have had in a really long time,” She felt tears spring to her eyes as she looked downwards again. She didn’t think it was affecting her this much. 

“This isn’t something that I normally do, but my shift is over in twenty minutes. Would you like to grab a bite to eat with me?” 

Olivia looked up, shocked by his kindness. This was not something that she was expecting, “Excuse me?” 

“You just look like you need a stranger to talk to and the next guy that comes in behind me uses the same line all the time only to get people, that aren’t regulars, into his bed. I figured I might be a better option for a conversation cause I don’t have a motive.” He set his glass down, waiting patiently for her answer. 

Olivia found his honesty refreshing, but also felt angry that she was getting more honesty from a stranger versus her own partner...well, ex-partner,”I don’t even know your name.”

“Ben,” He held out his hand with a barely there smile. 

Olivia accepted his hand, “If you try anything on me, I will arrest you.” 

Ben nodded, holding three fingers up, “Scout’s honor. I will not try any funny business.” He solemnly nodded. The last thing he wanted was to be arrested. 

“Can I have my tab?”

****

Olivia had never had a better tasting hot dog in her life. She took another big bite, wiping the mustard from her mouth before looking at Ben enjoying his own hot dog, “What made you want to talk to me when you could go home and do whatever it is that you do?” She quipped. She was grateful the bun was soaking up the alcohol. 

Ben swallowed his bite, seemingly contemplating his answer, “Well, you looked like you just needed a friend, so I thought why not? Would you like to tell me what happened?” 

If she was being honest, she felt like a child as she stared at the anonymous faces surrounding them, “Honestly, I feel like if I say it out loud, then it is real.” 

“It already is real. You’re feeling the emotions.” He held his hand out for her trash, pausing to throw their garbage out before falling back in stride with her. 

“Yeah...Okay.” Olivia took a deep breath, glancing at Ben, before pushing on, “Today...when I went into work, I found out that my partner, and best friend, quit. He just left. He didn’t call me, and he didn’t leave a note...nothing.” Olivia swallowed thickly, as she realized that her cheeks were wet, “I...I thought we were closer than that. We always swore that we would retire together if we were still partners. Instead my Captain came and told me that he was gone. I felt-” Her words broke as she came over racked with sobs. 

“Is it okay if I hug you?” Ben asked gently. 

Olivia felt her sobs tightening her throat as she just nodded. She knew she couldn’t talk anymore. She was exhausted already. Every item that she had taken off of his desk felt like a thousand pounds as she had dropped it into a box. She was grateful that Cragen said that he would handle the rest because she didn’t think that she would have made it through the paperwork. 

She felt this stranger's arms engulf her and she just melted into him. She knew how abnormal this was for herself let alone if someone she knew would have seen this. Then again, today had been anything but normal. 

Ben gently hummed a song his mother would sing for him when he was distressed as he soothingly rubbed her back, “I can’t say I understand what you are going through, but I understand what heartbreak looks like. Friendship breakups will always be worse than romantic relationships,” He said soothingly. 

Olivia didn’t know how long they stood there as she listened to his baritone voice before finally stepping back, “Oh shit. I am so sorry. I got makeup and snot on your shirt. I didn’t even pay for dinner.” 

Ben threw his head back in laughter, “You’re the one having a mental breakdown after a hard day and you are worried about my shirt? This isn’t anything that a washer and some shout can’t fix. What kind of cop are you?” He grinned. 

“The one that cares too much.” She looked down at her feet, momentarily staring at their feet before looking back up, “What kind of bartender takes a customer for a hot dog and a walk and talks to them as if they are best friends and didn’t meet an hour ago?” 

“The one that cares too much,” He grinned, “Enough about me. How are you feeling?” 

Olivia inhaled deeply, feeling extremely sober as she wiped the running makeup from her face, “Honestly? Like shit.” She turned, walking with him again as she walked towards her apartment, walking in a comfortable silence. 

“Sometimes talking to strangers is the best relief that a person can get because there is no history or judgement.” Ben stated, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “If I help one person, then at least I know someone out there is going to make it to the next day.” 

Olivia felt the corners of her mouth turn upwards slightly, “You’re a good person Ben.” 

“I learned from the best.” 

“Which is?” 

“My Mom,” He answered with a smile as he glanced at her. 

“A lot more people should be like you.” She said honestly. 

“A lot more cops should be like you.” Ben shot back. 

Olivia smiled to herself as they settled into another comfortable silence as they got closer to her apartment. Briefly, she thought about inviting him up, but decided against the better of that. The last thing that she wanted was to hurt such a kind soul because she was hurting. She dug her keys out of her pocket before turning to him, “Can I take you out for a cup of coffee sometime? As a thank you?” 

Ben smiled, “I would like that.” 

Olivia dug out one of her cards before handing it to him, “I will see you later Ben,” She silently admired the way his thumb careessed over her knuckles as she admired his rich brown skin against her pale white skin. 

“Until later,” Ben promised. 

Olivia gave him a real smile before climbing up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. She let herself in,hanging her keys before looking at herself in the hallway mirror. She looked extremely tired with smeared mascara all over her face, and red rimmed eyes that looked exhausted. 

She felt her sadness hit her with another massive wave as she slid down her door, crying into her palms,  _ How could you Elliot?!  _ Was her last thought as she sank into the darkness of sleep. 

***Fifteen Years Later***

“Noah! Go get dressed, Lucy will be here soon to take you to school!” She said firmly, clearing their dishes from the table before she padded into her bedroom. Olivia pulled on black socks before smoothing out her black shirt. She thumbed through her blazers, knowing she had a court date today as well as a meeting with 1PP for the new training to give to her team. 

She thumbed her way through her blazers before finally deciding on a richly colored maroon blazer. She finished getting ready with a swipe of lipstick before she decided to tie her hair up, “Are you ready Noah?” Her shoes dangled from her fingers as he came out of the bathroom with toothpaste in the corner of his mouth. 

“Yes mom! I just finished brushing my teeth!” He smiled brightly, “Is Uncle Ben still coming over for dinner?” 

“Yes sweet boy,” She grinned as she dropped her shoes, wiping the toothpaste as there was a knock at the door. 

“I will get it!” He smiled, running before she heard him excitedly saying hi to Lucy. She quickly slipped her shoes on before grabbing her travel mug, and heading towards the front door. 

“Hi Olivia,” Lucy smiled as she took her jean jacket off. 

“Hey Lucy,” She grinned before she pulled her own jacket on, “His lunch is packed and good to go in the fridge. Your check is on the counter. I will see you later, and have a wonderful day!” She smiled. 

She turned, opening her arms to Noah before kissing his cheek multiple times, “Have a great day at school and learn a lot.” She murmured before standing again. 

****

Olivia smiled, greeting everyone as she walked into the precinct. Olivia felt as though she was frozen, mid step, as she looked at the figure leaning against the frame of her door. She felt her throat constricting as she struggled to breathe. She knew that figure anywhere. She didn’t need an introduction. 

“Hey Liv,” Fin said gently as he gently touched her elbow, “I tried to get him to leave, but he refused to leave without talking to you.” 

“Now he wants to talk?” She questioned bitterly as she squared her shoulders, pulling her bag higher on her shoulder. 

“Hey, I-” 

“Don’t worry Fin, I will handle it.” Olivia cut him off before he had the chance to say how he wanted to kill him. 

Fin stood, silently, in the middle of the floor with his arms crossed over his chest as his eyes followed her. He remembered how hard this was for her the last time and he couldn’t imagine how it would be for her this time.

Olivia walked past him, silently, into her office. 

Elliot ran his hand over his thinning hair as he looked at her, leaving his hand resting on the back of his neck as he tried to give a relaxed smile, “Hey Liv, so you’re a Lieutenant now?” He quipped. 

Olivia stayed silent as she placed her bag on her desk, next to her mug. She hung her coat before turning to him, crossing her arms over his chest to hide her shaking hands, “You lost the right to call me Liv the moment you left me in your dust. It’s Olivia.” She said calmly. 

Elliot looked down at the floor, he couldn’t help but think how he missed the carpet that was in here, “I deserve that...actually I deserve a lot worse. Look, I know you’re angry and-” 

“No,” Olivia cut him off, “I am no longer angry. I was broken. My  _ best friend  _ disappeared off the face of the planet. Actively choosing not to return my calls or e-mails. Nothing! I got no explanation from you. Just Cragen telling me that you wouldn’t be returning to work ever again.” Olivia stopped as she realized how loud she was talking. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply before and exhaling before she looked at him. She stepped forward, nodding at Fin before she closed the door behind him. Olivia stared at the picture of Noah on her desk before she sat down. 

“You weren’t the only one who lost something that day. Sister Peg died in my arms. I lost two good friends in the span of weeks.” Olivia could feel her nose getting itchy. She knew she was going to end up crying sometime today, “Instead of facing things head on, by my side, you chose to, instead, leave me to pick up your pieces as I struggled to pick up my own.” 

She watched as Elliot sat in the chair across from her desk, “I can say I am sorry, because I truly am, but I know that will never make a difference for the time and trust that was lost. I owe you so much more than what I can ever give you. I knew you would be hurt, and I am so sorry that I hurt you so badly. But I-I had to leave.” Elliot stared at his hands, unable to look at her. 

Olivia felt the nerves clench in her stomach as she asked the simplest question, “Why?” 

Elliot sat silently for a moment before finally taking a deep breath, “I couldn’t do it anymore. I knew that I would always choose you. I would choose to save your life over anyone’s and when I killed Jenna. I would have done that again in a heartbeat, but it also broke something inside of me.” 

Olivia felt herself wanting to soften with his confession, but the first night she ever met Ben popped into her head, “You come in here, after fifteen years? If you would have just talked to me, you could have saved us a lot of pain.” 

Elliot looked up, staring at her in the eyes, “I wanted to confess everything, but I knew I was in love with you. I couldn’t do that to Cathy any more.” 

Olivia swallowed thickly. After all these years, he finally admits that the feeling was mutual. This was not how she planned to spend her day. She glanced at her clock, already knowing it was going to be a late night, “I don’t know what kind of answer you are expecting from me, but I picked myself up. I dusted myself off and moved on. My life moved on when you left.” 

“Is it bad to say a part of me wishes that you hadn’t?” He quipped. 

“Yes. You didn’t give me a decision the moment you decided to leave.” Olivia grabbed a pen rolling it between her fingers. 

“I deserve that.” Elliot nodded. 

“There is a lot I want to say,” Olivia could feel her initial anger dissipating with every word she said, “I no longer care to say it. I worked my way up the ranks, adopted my son, and I am now in a loving relationship. I missed you. I missed your family. I missed Cathy. You chose to take it all from me, so I built my own family and moved on. I don’t owe you an explanation. Initially, I planned to say so much to you. I planned to punch you actually,” She admitted with a shrug as she stood, pulling her blazer straighter before she looked at him, “At this point, I realize I don’t owe you anything and I don’t want anything from you. I think you should go.” Olivia squared her shoulders as she watched him stand. 

Elliot opened and closed his mouth. Cathy had been right. He should have known she would be right. He rubbed the back of his neck before making eye contact, “I really am sorry, look here is my number if you would like to talk anymore.” He said gently, dropping his private investigator card on her desk before he turned to leave. 

“Elliot?” Olivia stared at his card on her desk before watching him turn, “I forgave you a long time ago because I learned that anger does nothing to fix anything. I hope you understand that.” 

Elliot looked at her, hoping that they might get a chance to repair their friendship as he nodded, “I don’t deserve that, but thank you. Also, congratulations Olivia. Your son is beautiful.” 

Olivia responded with a gentle smile before she watched him walk away. At least, this time, she realized how strong she was even with his answer. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to give a huge thank you to my buddy Jordan for inspiring this! This fic is for you!! 
> 
> This is a one-shot with no edits. Depending on requests, I might turn this into a series. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my fic! I really appreciate this!


End file.
